This article originally appeared in the January 2010 issue of The Four Marks as part of a series called "The Restoration." "The Restoration" is a monthly column dedicated to restoring Christian ideals in our modern culture. For more information on The Four Marks, please click here.
When telephones were first invented in 1876, various newspapers proposed proper behaviors for the new invention. Among the myriad ideas put forward was one that admonished readers to dress properly when speaking on the telephone – the idea of talking to someone in pajamas was considered rude. The thought was that this would lead to a gradual diminishment of manners in general conversation. This suggestion might elicit a hearty laugh today, but would that we might have heeded the spirit of the message, if not necessarily the letter.
Fast forward more than a century, and the permutation of Mr. Bell’s original invention, i.e. cell phones, has become an intolerable nuisance in our daily lives. It invades every moment of our existence: cell phone conversations occur in bathrooms, airplanes, classrooms, churches, dorms, taxis, workplaces, cars, bedrooms, subways…you get my point. What is worse is that, given that we cannot turn our ears off, we overhear most of these conversations - conversations that are often representative of the nadir of our civilization:
“Hey, I’m on the bus.”
“Yeah, how was your day?”
“Oh me too, totally.”
“Oh I agree. I can’t stand this weather.”
“Man, I can’t wait for the weekend.”
Do I really need to continue? You’ve witnessed this many a time, and if you’re not willing to admit to such obviously crutch-like conversation making, I certainly can. We have replaced times of silence where reflection on our inner and outer lives might have made for more interesting conversation with an unending stream of insipid banality. God forbid we be alone with our thoughts without a cell phone or iPod. We might read, or write, or (gasp!) pray!
Firstly, let’s make sure we understand the key differences between real communication and virtual communication.
Examples: Family dinners, going out with friends, handwritten letters
*tied to a place
*allows for subtlety, subtext, body language
*demands (even if it doesn’t always receive) deliberation and manners
Examples: Facebook, Twitter, texting, cell phone conversations
*using subtlety is difficult or esoteric
*tends towards pedestrian topics
Now, I’m not saying that there isn’t a place for virtual communication. We can’t run from technology. But I do say, as someone who uses Facebook, Twitter, and text messaging, that there is a time and a place for everything, and it’s high time that we, cell phones, and cell phone companies learned that.
As you may consider the New Year a good occasion to try new things, let me propose the following countermeasures against cell phones, countermeasures that I, as one of the guilty, will be implementing, with the following two general principles in place first:
General Principle #1: You are not that important. The President is not going to call. Your boss is not going to call. Neither your mother nor your mother-in-law is going to call. If they call and don’t reach you, they will simply have to endure what every President, boss, mother, or mother-in-law has had to endure in the thousands of years of civilization before the advent of cell phones: waiting.
General Principle #2: You are not at home. You are vomiting out your private thoughts and information in a public forum without consideration for the fact that most of us don’t care to hear about your private life. There was a terribly funny comedy bit some time ago (google “comedian yells into cell phone” for the video) which featured a man carrying an oversized cell phone and screaming banal details into the phone, like, “Hello! No, I’m at a concert! NO, A CONCERT!” The looks on people’s faces who were subjected to this funny-because-it’s-true bit were absolutely priceless. Just think, the next time you answer your phone in public: do I need to subject others to this, and for how long?
1. Cell phones must be turned off during family meals. I would say that the regular telephone, if such an anachronism still exists, should be put off the hook during this time. That way it cannot ring or go to the answering machine. When friends tell you later that it was busy for an hour (gasp!) you can tell them that during your family meals you take the phone off the hook. Then wait for the response. It should be interesting.
2. Cell phones should be turned off during all meals, period. For most people who live outside the drive-thru society that America perpetuates, meal times are a time to rest, recuperate, enjoy, and recharge, on the way back to work (Americans, please read Leon Kass’ The Hungry Soul to re-learn how to eat.). For goodness’ sake, you are at a table with live people. Would you abandon them to attend to the virtual? The unbelievable decline in manners that allows for a solid 1/3 of my Rotary Club (including myself), which has an average of 59, to be checking their cell phones during our weekly meeting is astonishing. Those businessmen who claim self-importance – I would again refer you to General Principle #1 above and assure you that though I have only had a business for six years, I know that it is completely possible to be away from the phone periodically throughout the day. I promise you will not die, your business will not explode, and the earth will keep rotating. Just keep repeating that for a while and you might believe it.
3. Cell phones must be turned off at the movies. Why are you in a movie if not to relax – and how does interrupting your movie to text, “Hey, I’m in a movie – ttyl” help your relaxation? In addition, your bright screen is inconsiderate to others.
4. Cell phones don’t need to be used .0007 seconds after your airplane’s wheels touch down. Yes, we all know you are here. Yes, we know you are carrying your luggage. Yes, we know you didn’t sleep. Yes, I know I sound like Andy Rooney right now, but if you must, please use text messaging and leave the rest of us alone.
5. Cell phones must be turned off at Mass. This is without exception and I’m not going to bother with an explanation why.
6. Cell phones must be turned off at night. If you cry the wolf of “emergency” then get an “emergency” line – be it a prepaid cell phone or a landline, leave it on all the time, and give the number to 2-3 people who can be trusted to understand the meaning of the word “emergency.” If you cry “but I use it for my alarm” please feel free to write me. I will send you an inexpensive, fully functional alarm clock free of charge if you promise to turn off your cell phone at night.
When you use your phone less you will realize it is not attached to your body. When you realize it’s not attached to your body, you will realize you don’t need a cell phone to live. When you realize you don’t need a cell phone to live, you just might get on with real living.
(Phone powers down).